1.
Every time you drop a lure module – Take a shot.
2.
Every time you get caught playing at work by your boss – Take a shot.
3.
Every time you accidentally walk into traffic while hypnotized by a lapras with 1000 cp – Take a shot.
4.
Every 5th shitass, fucking no-good cave-rat zubat you spot – Take a shot.
5.
Every time you miss with an ultra ball, because you’re too drunk, because you’ve been playing this drinking game – Take a shot.
6.
Every time someone accuses you of creepily taking a photograph of them on the subway, but you were just taking a picture of an adorable pikachu – Take a shot.
7.
Every time one of your pokémon evolves into an uglier, less cute version of itself – Take a moment to consider and accept the passage of time and the inevitable unaesthetic decay of our temporary bodies, then take a shot.
8.
Every time you have an unsettling, but not entirely un-pleasurable wet dream about mr. mime – Take a shot.
9.
Every time you win a gym battle – Punch the nearest dog (to further assert dominance over cute beasts) then take a shot.
10.
Every time you lose a gym battle – Do a waterfall with the members of your shitty fuck-up, loser teammates.
11.
Every time someone at the bar tries to have a conversation with you about the “very serious privacy issues with Pokémon Go” – Tell them you just remembered you’re still wearing a condom from last night and need to stop talking to them to go do that in the bathroom, then take a shot.
12.
Every time you find a dead body in wyoming while looking for water Pokémon (this is a true story) – Take a shot.
13.
Every time you get mugged by guys (real-life team rocket) who are luring in Pokémon trainers toa secure location so that they can (also a true story) take all their money – Take a shot.
14.
Every time a priest starts shouting at you because he found you trying to capture a gyarados under the crucified image of christ our lord – Take a shot of communion wine.
15.
Every time you have sex doggy style (or reverse cowgirl! #feminism) so that you can play while you have sex without the other person knowing – Make sure the other person had a fulfilling sexual encounter, then take a shot.
16.
Every time you’re behind some amateur on the subway and you can see that they haven’t transferred their weakest Pokémon to power up their strongest ones – First, lean in and whisper “… you done fucked up, nerd…” Then take a shot.
17.
Every time you accidentally walk up to a group of people smoking weed in the park because you thought they were playing Pokémon Go – Take a shot.
18.
Every time your phone runs out of batteries, because you’ve been playing too much and you miss the call that tells you that your sister just gave birth to your nephew, who’s dumb name isn’t Ash – Take a shot.
19.
Every time you feel a tremendous sense of fellowship with humankind because you have witnessed how the pure childish joy of capturing Pokémon can make them happy and friendly and kind – Take a shot, eat late-night pizza, throw up again, go to sleep.
